有趣的英语小短文
发布时间:2017-01-29 来源: 短文摘抄 点击： 
有趣的英语小短文篇一：英语幽默小短文
英语幽默小短文
Wake up! Wake up! It's time for sleeping pills!
醒来！醒来！现在该吃安眠药了！
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
Half or Five Tenths?
Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths? Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.
Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.
The Reason of Being Late
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.
When Do People Talk Least?
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
The plural Form of "Child"
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
All Except the Music
A keen young teacher wanted to introduce her class to the glories of classical music, so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. To make the occasion even more memorable, she
"Oh, yes, miss!" said Sally, "It was lovely. All except the music, that is."
My Sister's Fingers
Teacher: Kevin, why are you late this time?
Kevin: Please sir, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home. Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
Kevin: Oh, they weren't my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
Lightning
Teacher: Why is it said that lightning never strikes the same place twice? Roy: Because after it's struck once the same place isn't there any more!
Who Discovered Australia?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's there, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
Essay
Teacher had set his class an essay in "A Game of Cricket". After two minutes Simon Steel handed his paper in and was allowed to go home. His essay read: "Rain stopped play."
How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have?
Jonathan: Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan: I've got one already, sir.
To Go to Heaven
Sunday School teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up ..... what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up -- don't you want to go to Heaven?
Terry: I can't. My Mum told me to go straight home.
教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。
“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
进步
一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？”
“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”
半个还是十分之五
老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？
杰拉得：我宁可要半个。
老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。
杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。
迟到的原因
老 师：约翰尼，为什么你每天早晨都迟到？
约翰尼：每当我经过学校附近的拐角处，就见路牌上写着‘学校－缓行’。
人们什么时候说话最少？
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少？
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢？
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
"孩子"的复数形式
老师：汤姆，‘男人’这个词的复数形式是什么？
汤姆：男人们。
老师：答得好。那‘孩子’的复数形式呢？
汤姆：双胞胎。
除了音乐
一位热心的年轻教师想让她的学生多了解一点优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗？”
“噢，好极了，小姐，” 萨莉说，“除了音乐其它都很好。”
我妹妹的手指头
老师：凯温，这次你怎么又迟到了？
凯温：对不起，老师，我在家钉钉子，砸坏了两个手指头。
老师：怎么没有扎绷带呀？
凯温：噢，砸的不是我的手指头，我叫小妹妹扶着钉子的。
新西兰的气候
老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？
马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。
老师：错了。
马修：可是，先生！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。
闪电
老师：为什么说闪电从来不会两次击中同一个地方？
罗伊：因为它击中一个地方一次以后，那个地方就不存在了。
谁发现了澳大利亚？
老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。
约翰尼：先生，在这儿。
老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚？
萨默：先生，是约翰尼。
作文
老师给学生出了个作文题：“一场板球赛”。两分钟后，西蒙。斯蒂尔交了作文，老师允许他回家了。他在作文上写道：“下雨，比赛终止。”
有趣的英语小短文篇二：10篇有趣的小短文竟然能让你记住2000单词
10篇有趣的小短文竟然能让你记住2000单词
1.Fall in Love with English Hiding behind the loose dusty curtain, a teenager packed up his overcoat into the suitcase. He planned to leave home at dusk though there was thunder and lightning outdoors. He had got to do this because he was tired of his parents’ nagging about his English study and did not want to go through it any longer. He couldn’t get along well with English and disliked joining in English classes because he thought his teacher ignored him on purpose. As a result, his score in each exam never added up to over 60.
His partner was concerned about him very much. She
understood exactly what he was suffering from, but entirely disagreed with his idea. In order to calm him down and settle his problem, she talked with him face to face and swapped a series of learning tips with him. The items she set down helped him find the highway to studying English well.
The teenager was grateful and got great power from his friend’s words. Now, he has recovered from being upset and has fallen in love with English.
爱上英语
有个少年躲在积满灰尘的松散窗帘后把大衣装入手提箱。尽管外面正打雷闪电， 他仍计划在黄昏时分离家出走。他不得不这样做是因为厌倦了父母对他英语学习的唠叨，不想再忍受下去了。他的英语学习总是无法取得进展，而且不喜欢参加英语课的学习，因为他以为老师有意忽视他。结果，他每次考试的分数合计从未超过60。
他的搭档很关心他，也确切地理解他遭受的折磨，但却完全不同意他的想法。为了使他冷静下来好好解决问题，她和他面对面地交谈，并交换了一系列的学习心得技巧。她写下来的条款帮助他找到了学好英语的最佳捷径。
这个少年非常很感激，并从朋友的话里获得极大的动力。现在，他已经从沮丧中恢复过来，真正爱上了英语。
2Different Countries Have Different Kinds of Englishes Voyages of people from England play an important part in
spreading the English language. At present, English is frequently spoken as an official or common language in many countries, such as America, Singapore, Malaysia and some African
countries. All based on British English, the English spoken in
these countries can be well understood by native English speakers. But actually, these Englishes have been gradually changing in accents, spellings, expressions and the usage of vocabulary.
Because of this fact, you can make use of the differences to tell which country the foreigners of your block are from. For example, if a boss fluently commands his driver, “Come up straight to my apartment by elevator and take some gas for my trucks and
cabs”, instead of requesting, “Please come to my flat by lift and take some petrol for my lorries and taxis”, you can recognize his American identity, while the latter suggests that he is British.
不同的国家有不同的英语
英国人的航海在英语的传播中扮演了重要的角色。目前，英语在许多国家被作为官方语言或通用语言频繁地使用，例如美国、新加波、马来西亚和一些非洲的国家。这些国家的英语都以英式英语为基础，能很好地为以英语为本族语的人所理解。但是实际上，这些英语在口音、拼写、表达和词汇的使用方面都在逐渐变化。
因为这一情况的存在，你就可以利用这些英语之间的区别说出你们街区的外国人是哪个国家来的了。例如，如果有个老板流利地命令他的司机：“Come up straight to my apartment by elevator and take some gas for my trucks and cabs（直接搭电梯到我公寓上来拿卡车和出租车的汽油）”，而不是要求说，“Please come to my flat by lift and take some petrol for my lorries and taxis（请直接搭电梯到我公寓上来拿卡车和出租车的汽油）”，你就可以轻易地辨认出他的美国人身份，而后者却暗示着那是一位英国人。（请注意：听力录音里第二段两个“电梯”的单词跟原文不一致，原文是对的，录音弄错了，elevator才是美式说法而lift是英式说法。)
3A Hard Trip
My sister was fond of traveling. Ever since graduating, she had been determined to organize a trip to an old temple. Since
transporting fare was expensive, she decided to use a bicycle to cycle there not caring about the disadvantages. Her stubborn attitude was always her shortcoming. Once she made up her mind to do something, no one could persuade her to change her mind. Finally, we gave in as usual though we preferred to take a train. After we prepared everything, including the schedule, reliable weather forecast and the insurance, we began our trip.
Our journey was along a river flowing from a high altitude. Our pace was slow because the river frequently had many sharp bends through deep valleys, where the water seemed to boil. Just as I recorded in my journal, it was really a hard journey. But we also enjoyed great views. One night, I put my head on my pillow--a parcel of wool coats, and lay beneath the stars. When the flame in front of our cave went out at midnight, I found the sky so beautiful!
一次辛苦的旅行
我的妹妹很喜欢旅行。自从毕业以来，她就下定决心要组织一次往一座古庙的旅行。因为交通费用昂贵，她决定骑自行车去，毫不担心其中的不利情况。顽固的态度一直都是她的缺点，一旦她下定决心要做的事，就没有人能说服她改变主意。最后，我们像往常一样让步，尽管我们更喜欢乘火车去。我们准备好了所有东西，包括时间表、可靠的天气预报，还有保险，就开始了旅程。
我们的旅程沿着一条从高海拔处流下来的河流前行。但我们的步伐很慢，因为当流经深深的峡谷时，这条河流急转弯很多，急湍的河水都似乎沸腾起来。正如我在旅行日志里记录的那样，这真是一次艰苦的旅行。但是我们也欣赏到了美丽的景色。一天晚上，我把头枕在一包羊毛衣服
有趣的英语小短文篇三：幽默英语演讲小短文(2分钟的)[1]1
幽默英语演讲小短文(2分钟的)
As food is to the body, so is learning to the mind. Our bodies grow and muscles develop with the intake of adequate nutritious food. Likewise, we should keep learning day by day to maintain our keen mental power and expand our intellectual capacity. Constant learning supplies us with inexhaustible fuel for driving us to sharpen our power of reasoning, analysis, and judgment. Learning incessantly is the surest way to keep pace with the times in the information age, and an infallible warrant of success in times of uncertainty.
Once learning stops, vegetation sets in. It is a common fallacy to regard school as the only workshop for the acquisition of knowledge. On the contrary, learning should be a never-ending process, from the cradle to the grave. With the world ever changing so fast, the cease from learning for just a few days will make a person lag behind. What's worse, the animalistic instinct dormant deep in our subconsciousness will come to life, weakening our will to pursue our noble ideal, sapping our
determination to sweep away obstacles to our success and strangling our desire for the refinement of our character. Lack of learning will inevitably lead to the stagnation of the mind, or even worse, its fossilization, Therefore, to stay mentally young, we have to take learning as a lifelong career.
学习之于心灵，就像食物之于身体一样。摄取了适量的营养
食物，我们的身体得以生长而肌肉得以发达。同样地，我们应该日复一日不断地学习以保持我们敏锐的心智能力，并扩充我们的智力容量。不断的学习提供我们用不尽的燃料，来驱使我们磨利我们的推理、分析和判断的能力。持续的学习是在信息时代中跟时代并驾齐驱的最稳当的方法，也是在变动的世代中成功的可靠保证。
一旦学习停止，单调贫乏的生活就开始了。视学校为汲取知识的唯一场所是种常见的谬误。相反地，学习应该是一种无终止的历程，从生到死。由于世界一直快速地在变动，只要学习停顿数日就将使人落后。更糟的是，蛰伏在我们潜意识深处的兽性本能就会复活，削弱我们追求高贵理想的意志，弱化我们扫除成功障碍的决心，而且扼杀我们净化我们人格的欲望。缺少学习将不可避免地导致心灵的停滞，甚至更糟地，使其僵化。因此，为了保持心理年轻，我们必须将学习当作一生的事业。
2．heavy schoolwork【课业繁重】
In my opinion, the schoolwork now being assigned to high school students is too heavy. While it is true that students need to study, they need other things as well if they are to grow into healthy and well-rounded adults. High should be allowed more time for play. Playing is not wasting time, as some think. It gives them physical exercise, and also exercise their imagination. Which tends to be stifled by too much study. Finally, the pressure put on high school students by excessive schoolwork can cause
serious stress, which is unhealthy physically and mentally. I do not advocate the elimination of schoolwork. I do think, however, that a
reduction of the current heavy load would be beneficial to students and to the society as a whole.
我认为目前高中生的课业实在太重了，虽然说学生的确应当念书，但是要想长大成为健全的人，他门还需要一些其它的东西，所以应该给高中生较多从事娱乐的时间。娱乐并不如某些人所想的，是在浪费时间，它可以让学生锻炼身体，发挥被繁重课业扼杀的想象力。此外，繁重的课业加诸在高中生身上的压力可能引起严重的情绪紧张，这对身心都有害。我并非主张废除学校课业，但是我认为减轻目前繁重的课业对于学生和整个社会都是有益的。
3．Time【时间】
Lost time is never found again. This is something which I learned very clearly last semester. I spent so much time fooling around that my grades began to suffer. I finally realized that something had to be done. It was time for a change.
Now I have a new plan for using my time wisely. I have set my alarm clock ahead half an hour. This will give me a head start on the day. I have also decided to keep a log of what I do and when I do it. Looking back on what I’ve done will give me some ideas on how to reorganize my time. 时光一去不复返，这是我上学期清楚学到的教训。我浪费很
多时间四处游荡，以致于我的成绩开始退步。最后我终于了解到我必须有所作为；该是痛改前非的时候了。
现在我有一个明智运用时间的新方法。我已将闹钟早拨半小时，这将使我这一天的作息提前开始。我也决定将我所做的一切及做这些事的时间记录下来。回顾我所做的事情会启发我如何重新安排我的时间。
4．Work and Play【工作与娱乐】
Work and play do not contradict each other; in fact, they complement each other. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." A life burdened with work leads you nowhere, for you would get tired and bored with your daily routine work. On the other hand, proper
recreation will relieve the tension and discomfort of our monotonous life because it offers you various ways to let out your pent-up emotions. What I usually do to relax after school is jogging and seeing movies. Usually I don't spare time for exercise, but I value the physical education class at school. Jogging several rounds in the field certainly relieves the day's pressure. On weekends, I'll catch the morning movie for my visual enjoyment. I feel revived and energetic for another week's work-load. 工作与娱乐并不互相冲突，事实上，它们之间的关系还相辅相成。有句格言说：「整日工作而没有休闲娱乐，会令人变得沉闷乏味。」被工作重担压得喘不过气来的生活，将使你一事无成，因为你将对一成不变的例行公事感到厌烦。由另一方面
来说，适度的娱乐活动能提供各种管道，来渲泄你被压抑的情绪，减轻单调生活中的紧张与不悦。
放学之后，我最常做的休闲活动，便是慢跑与看电影。通常我并不特地拨出时间来做运动，但是我很重视学校的体育课。在操场上慢跑几圈，无疑地可以减轻一天的压力。在周末时，我都去看早场电影，享受视觉飨宴。如此一来，我将有如再生般的充沛活力，去面对下一星期的工作量。
5．My first Job【我的第一份工作】
My first job was at a cramming school. It was three years ago when I just graduated from junior high school and finished the entrance
examination. since I had nothing to do that summer, I decided to find a job, tasting the joy of independence.
I was responsible for answering the telephone and taking the message. I worked eight hours a day, six days a week. The work was not difficult nor heavy to me and I guess I did well. The most delighted thing was perhaps that I could spend the money I earned all by myself.
我的第一份工作是在一家补习班做事。那是三年前我刚从国中毕业，考完联考时的事了。既然我那整个夏天都闲着没事，倒不如找份差事，尝尝独立赚钱的快乐。
我负责接听电话且纪录留言的工作。我一天工作八小时，一星期工作六天。那份工作对我而言既不困难亦不沉重，所以我想我还满称职的。而最令人快乐的事大概莫过于花全部由自己
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