Ｄｏｅｓ　Ｌｏｖｅ　Ｎｅｅｄ　Ｔｒａｉｎｉｎｇ？ Need Your Love

　　 　　In early January, a “love training course” in Beijing attracted much public attention. It was reported that nine people attended the course, with some of them even coming from other regions of the country. Most of the trainees were under the age of 30, including a PhD candidate.
　　The course included teachings on subjects such as how to deal with love affairs. According to a brochure for the program, lecturers will help trainees “clear up the mystery of love, walk into the paradise of love and probe the essence of love.”
　　Chief lecturer Du Shengxiang, a postgraduate psychology student at Peking University, said he has devoted many years to the study of emotional differences between East and West, and research on love affairs in modern China.
　　He classified trainees into three levels. The junior class is mainly designed for those who have no experience of being in love; the intermediate class aims at people who have experienced unsuccessful love or who are presently facing love problems; and the senior class is mainly for people who are ready to get married or have already been married.
　　The tuition for the junior class is 200 yuan ($25) for each term, which includes four periods, while the intermediate and senior classes cost 400 yuan ($50) a term. The teaching is carried out by individualized consultation, and after class, homework is assigned, including writing and interactive exercises. The topic of the first term is “communication.”
　　Love training, still a fledgling initiative in China, has aroused debate. Some Chinese people believe that love is a natural sentiment, and not obtained by skill training. Others hold that the main purpose of the training is to improve people’s capability for love, develop personality and prepare students to catch love when it comes by.
　　
　　Love doesn’t need training
　　
　　Xia Xueluan (professor in the Department of Sociology, Peking University): It means something if the trainees’ participation in the love training course is to learn skills of communication, dealing with the opposite sex and psychological consultation. But love cannot be obtained by training. Even being the master of the art of love, without feeling for each other it is impossible for two persons to fall in love.
　　True love, no matter at first sight or built up through a natural development, is an affection that’s rooted in the heart. Lovers should be sincere and wholehearted to each other. So a love focusing on art and skills will lose its essence, and can even be regarded as deception.
　　Guo Xiaohua (columnist at Henan-based newspaper Jinri An News): Maybe you can learn skills such as communication and how to handle problems when not getting along with the opposite sex from the love training course. But these skills are not only meant for love, they are necessary qualifications for a modern citizen. Love is mutual and it cannot be decided on by only one person. You might be a smooth talker, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are attractive to the opposite sex, let alone that you’ll win his/her love.
　　There are neither two identical pieces of leaves nor two identical people in the world. Different people have different standards for their lovers. Love, in this sense, is nothing about skill.
　　Love, no matter in what form, is based on human feelings. Skills can be taught, but feeling is a totally different thing and it’s unimaginable to train feelings. So the so-called love training course is nothing but a laughingstock.
　　Shan Shibing (Henan-based Dahe Daily newspaper): After I hear the news about the love training course, I am left wondering: Is trained love still love?
　　Let’s see how the so-called first love training course in China fools people. According to the chief lecturer, the course is classified into three levels. The junior class is for people who have no experience of being in love; the intermediate class is for people who have one or more unsuccessful love experiences; and the senior class is for those who are ready to get married or are already married but feeling unhappy about it. The fundamental objective is allegedly to “promote the trainees’ personality.”
　　You see how universal this course is? Short of love, it doesn’t matter. As long as you attend the love training course, you can master the art of love. “The art of love,” it sounds weird to me. I think what trainees can get is nothing more than “love techniques.” What’s worse, the techniques that cost trainees much to learn may not be that practical in use.
　　Why? Because we human beings have emotion and humanity. The love that’s built on skills is mechanical and follows the same pattern. No matter how touching romantic lines about love may be, love learned through skills is destined to be pale and dull.
　　Actually, true love is unique. Everyone’s love has its own excitement. The excitement lies in our heart, waiting to be noticed and savored. So love is as diverse as life. Therefore, I despise the so-called love training, as true love can never be formulated.
　　
　　Even true love needs training
　　
　　Lei Hui (freelance contributor): Does love need training? Many netizens disagree. “It’s so ridiculous,” “It’s the business of matchmakers,” “True love doesn’t need training,” “It is love cheating, isn’t it?”
　　Does true love need training? Yes! It’s better for love experts to teach young people how to love than to let youngsters learn to love by themselves.
　　From the aspect of marital sociology, love is the product of an ever-changing society and history. As a special social phenomenon, love is restricted by many aspects, such as social psychology, cultural traditions, moral customs and social system. Correspondingly, the way to express love has its own social codes. In this regard, the way to express love isn’t inherent but acquired. According to Friedrich Engels, the true lover expresses an implied, modest and even bashful attitude to his idol, so it is anything but revealing one’s enthusiasm randomly or premature intimacy. ”
　　It is inevitable for a young person to adopt a proper way of showing love when he is in love. In most times, this is acquired by studying by him/herself, through reading books, watching TV or discussing with classmates or friends. At present, the love training course, held by Du Shengxiang, a psychology graduate student at Peking University, turns the private learning into formal classes. Is it wrong? No. On the contrary, it offers trainees a more convenient, systematic and effective way to learn. It’s great.
　　Recently, the situation of Chinese youngsters’ bachelorhood has become very serious. It’s a common phenomenon that people with higher education attainments meet with difficulty when it comes to love affairs, provoking the saying that “a new round of bachelorhood crisis is emerging in China.” In order to solve the problem, many marriage-oriented activities are emerging, just like the marriage interview [a meeting when a marriage is being arranged]. However, teaching single youngsters how to love is a far more fundamental method than those activities.
　　Wang Xiufang (columnist at Hainan-based Southern Metropolitan Daily): Apparently, love is a private thing between a man and a woman. However, it contains the philosophy of life. It is a period of special relationship between the opposite sexes.
　　Dispassionately, maybe all the people who have experienced love regretted it more or less. Somebody breaks up with his/her lover because of pride and arrogance; someone doesn’t dare to show his/her love to the other because of inferiority; somebody doesn’t know how to let the other feel his or her love because of a lack of love skills… In modern society, a major reason why many young people cannot find their Mr./Miss Right is their lack of communication skills.
　　It doesn’t matter whether it’s sincerity or cheating--at least, we cannot deny the love training per se, nor can we ignore the art of love.
　　Hu Hong (psychological consultant and member of the China Association for Mental Health): Facing high social pressure, many people put survival and work in the first place. But when they succeed in their career, they miss the best time for love. So they want to find a shortcut to marriage. Meanwhile, some people don’t have a strong social ability or wide social circle. For them, the love training course is necessary.
　　For love training, you cannot succeed by simple skill training. Love is a process of internalization. Maybe you can learn 10 skills, but not all of them suit you. According to some media reports, the lecturers of the class will talk about the experience of unsuccessful love to draw lessons to benefit trainees. But this is far from enough.
　　It is sort of an exaggeration if the course just teaches some interpersonal communication skills. Moreover, a qualified trainer should have a sound love or marriage experience for him/herself, and he/she should master knowledge concerning psychology, philosophy and sociology.
　　
　　Learning to communicate is better than love training
　　
　　Liu Jun (psychologist in Shanghai): It’s better to talk about communication skills rather than love training, as many relationships and marriages fail because of a blockade in communication. True love cannot be won by training, but can be preserved by it. Nowadays, many young couples don’t know how to communicate with each other, so the short-time marriage emerges.
　　In China’s traditional culture, a couple should be courteous to each other and help each other to cultivate an ideal relationship. However, in Western culture, individuality and spiritual happiness are given more importance. To modern Chinese youngsters, it’s their purpose to meld the two identities together. But new conflicts emerge during the process of cultural mixture. In addition, men and women always have different opinions on a wide range of things because they differ in thinking. So it is very important for the younger generation to learn the skills of communication among family members.
　　There are four channels for couples to communicate: daily conversation; expressing one’s will and hoping the other person will change his or her attitude in response; rational dialogue; and direct statement of a feeling instead of asking questions. Among the four ways, the third one is the securest. It leaves others spaces and choices, and shows tolerance and generosity. It is the most welcomed way of interpersonal communication.
　　
　　Dear Readers, “Forum” is a column that provides a space for varying perspectives on contemporary Chinese society. In each issue, “Forum” will announce the topic for an upcoming issue. We invite you to submit personal viewpoints (in either English or Chinese).省略 Please provide your name, telephone number, zip code and address along with your comments. Editor: Zhang Zhiping

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