高中英语幽默短文

高中英语幽默短文篇一：适合高一的英文幽默故事

1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指,但竟没有一个同学注意到,令她忿忿不平.到下午大家坐着谈天的时候,她突然站起来大声说：“哎呀,这里真热呀,我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧.”

1.the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.

2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她：“你是否怀孕了?”

“是啊!”女佣回道.

“亏你还说得出口,你还没有结婚,难道不觉得害羞吗?”女主人再次训. “我为什么要害羞,女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗?”

“可是我怀的是我丈夫的!”女主人生气地反驳.

“我也是啊!”女佣高兴地附和.

2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant?\" \"Yes!\" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?\" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?\" \"But I conceive is my husband!\" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too!\" The maid happy to echo.

3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服,就是把口子在后面扣上,可以挡风.一天他酒后驾驶, 翻了,一头栽在路旁.警察赶到：

警察甲：好严重的车祸.

警察乙：是啊,脑袋都撞到后面去了.

警察甲：嗯,还有呼吸,我们帮他把头转回来吧.

警察乙：好.一、二使劲,转回来了.

警察甲：嗯,没有呼吸了.

3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car accident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good... One, two, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing...

4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上,因为时常发生车祸,所以常常有一些鬼故事发生,有一天晚上,有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩,身着白衣的女人向他招手,因为这个司机没有见过鬼,所以大胆的停下来让她上车了,这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼,心里也毛毛的,所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人,开着开着,突然司机发现那个女人不见了!司机吓了一大跳,赶紧踩了一个刹车!只见那个女人满脸是血,表情狰狞.司机吓的牙直打颤.突然那女人开口了：“你会不会开车啊!我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……”

4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind

also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nose...\"

5、一个病人去看病,医生检查了他,皱着眉头说：“您病得太严重了,恐怕不会活多久了.” 病人：“求您告诉我我还能活多久?” 医生：“十……” 病人着急地问：“十什么?十年?十个月?十天?” 医生：“十,九,八,七,六,五……”

5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: \"you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.\" Patient: \"please tell me how long will I live?\" Doctor: \"ten...\" Patient anxiously asked: \"what? Ten years? Ten months? Ten days?\" Doctor: \"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...\"

6、老师：“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗?” 学生：“能,他们都死了.”

6, teacher: \"can you say some 18 th-century scientists common characteristics?\" Student: \"yes, they are all dead.\"

7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱,蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的,蚊子说：“护士,打针的.”蜣一拍大腿：“缘分呐,我是中药局搓药丸的…”

7. rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito

is to do what work, the mosquito said: \"nurse, give or take an injection.\" Qiang a clap a thigh: \"the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...\"

8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆.夜半,起火,不明原因.非洲人见状顾不了那么许多,光着身子就跑出去了.消防员见状惊呼：“我的妈呀!都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快!”

8, the africans live in a hotel. In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason. Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out. Firefighters said exclaimed: \"my mama ah! All paste the burned area can run so fast!\"

9、一个人想出国考察,但必须得到老总批准.于是他向老总请示,老总给了他一张字条,上面写着：“Go ahead”. 那人想：“Go ahead=前进,老总是批准了.”于是他开始打点行李. 一个同事见到了他问：“你在做什啊?”他说：“我准备出国考察,老总批准了,给我写了?Go ahead?.” 同事一见条就乐了：“咱们老总根本就没批准!咱老总的英语水平你还不知道,他这是在说去个头!”

9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss. So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: \"Go ahead\". The man thought, \"Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.\" So he started to packing. A colleague to see he asked: \"what are you doing?\" He said: \"I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.\" Colleague of joy at the sight of article: \"let's boss

haven't approved! Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head!\"

10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说：“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言,叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下.”农夫将信将疑,他试着喊了一声感谢上帝,那匹马立刻飞奔起来,越跑越快.一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”.果然,马停下来了.死里逃生的农夫长出一口气：“感谢上帝………”

10, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, \"this horse can only understand the language of the church, call\" thank god \"it ran; called\" praise god \"it didn't stop.\" Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster. A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it stop password \"praise god\". Sure enough, the horse stopped. Close the farmer grows a sigh: \"thank god.\"

高中英语幽默短文篇二：英语幽默小故事6篇

1、Good use of cry 哭的妙用

The parents with their three-year-old son went to see film.

When they walked into the cinema, the attendant said to them,

“you’ll have to go out if your son cries. But we’ll refund

you the tickets.” About half an hour later, the husband

asked his wife, “What do you think of the film?”

“I’ve never seen such a boring film.” His wife answered.

“It’s not worth seeing.”

“I don’t think much of it, either.” The husband said.

“Wake the child up and let him cry.”

一对夫妇带着他们3岁的儿子去看电影。进电影院时，服务员对他们说：“如果你们的儿子哭了，你们就得出去。不过我们会给你们退票的。”大约半个小时以后，丈夫对妻子说：“你觉得这电影怎么样？”“我从没看过这么没劲的电影。”妻子回答说，“真不值得看。”“我也不喜欢看。”丈夫说：“叫醒孩子，让他哭。”

2、What a Smart Wife家有笨妻

A newly married woman was sitting on a chair,

looking vexed, when her husband came home.

"What's up? Why do you look so troubled?"

the husband asked. The woman replied,

"I'm so sorry. I was ironing your new suit and

burned a hole in your trousers." And the man said,

"That's all right. I have another pair that is exactly the same."

"Thank God you do. I used it to mend this pair,"

the wife responded.

有一个刚结婚的太太，坐在椅子那边，看起来很懊恼，她先生回家看到她这个样子，就问：‘嗨，你怎么啦？为什么看起来这么懊恼呢？’太太说：‘很抱歉，你那件新做的西装裤被我烫坏了，烫成一个洞了。’他先生说：‘啊！那个没关系啦！我还有另外一件一样的裤子。’ 她说：‘是啊，还好我把那件新的拿出来补那件被我烫坏的。’

3、Endearing terms

英语幽默故事:可爱的称呼

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keep calling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."

Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。”

4、Are you a normal person？你是正常人吗？

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director ..., "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well..." said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup." "Noooooooo!" answered the director. "A normal person would pull the plug."

参观一所精神病院的时候一个参观者问院长，“你们是用什么标准来决定一个人是否应该被关进精神病院呢？” “呃? ?”院长说，“是这样，我们先给一个浴缸放满水，然后我们给病人一个调茶匙，一个茶杯和一个水桶去把浴缸里面的水放清。” “噢，我明白了”， 参

观者说。“一个正常人会选择水桶， 因为水桶比茶匙，茶杯的体积大。” “错了”，“院长回答”“正常人会把浴缸塞子拔掉”。

5、英文幽默老虎来了

Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appears from a distance, running towards them.

One of the guys takes out a pair of "Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprised look and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"

His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you."

两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。

其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗？”

他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。”

6、Another 40 Years to live

再活40年

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院， 在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝， 于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。 上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。 她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。 做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了， 但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年？” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。

高中英语幽默短文篇三：有趣的小短文(英语)

一

The easiest question in the world

one day , a rich man met Sam. the rich man asked , " I`ve heard you are very clever and nothing is difficult to you. Can you tell me why you are so clever."

Sam answered, "I`m not clever, but you are too silly." The rich man became very angry.

Sam said, "Sir, please don`t be angry, if you don`t believe what I said, let me ask you a question now. If you have a group of sheep, I give you another group. How groups of sheep do you have?"

"Why, that`s the easiest question in the world, one and one is two.Anybody knows that. I have two groups of sheep. "

Sam laughed and said," You are wrong, sir.two groups of sheep put together is still one group. That is easiest question in the world."

二

I`ll not go home tonight because of the rain

When a friend was visiting David, it began to rain. So David told him not to go home that night."You may stay here for the night," he said." Ok, " answered his friend. But a few minutes later, the friend went out. He didn`t tell David where he was going nor did he ask for an umbrella. When David was about to go to bed, his friend returned, he was all wet through.

"Where have you been?" asked David. "I have been home," answered the friend, " to tell my brother that I`ll not go home tonight because of the rain."

三

Why do I want to go to college?

Why do I want to go to college? No one asked me such a question. But many times I have asked myself.I have come up with a whole variety of reasons. The most important reason is that I want to be a better man.

Many things make human beings different is education. If i fail to receive higher education, my education will not finish. As I want to be a fully developed , I must get a well-rounded education, which good colleges and universities are supposed to provide.

I know one can get educated in many ways, but colleges and universities are among the best places to teach me how to educate myself. Only when I am well-educated, will I be a better human being and be fit into society.

四

Children should not have to do heavy work

It is not a good idea for children to have to work hard. Children should study in school as hard as they can. They should not have to do heavy work with their bodies. When parents or others force children to work hard, the results are never good and may be very bad.

A farmer`s son who has to work hard like a man may early learn to hate farming. Children sometimes do too much work in gardens, in shops or even in their own own homes.

They soon begin to hate such kind of work with force that can destroy their happiness. But there may be a worse loss: a child`s love for his parents. The feeling may become something different. When that happens, the old kind of love never returns.

五

The effect of the blood group on personality

Your blood group hides no secrets, it shows the "real you." If you belong to blood group O, you can get things done and sell the goods well. Blood group A are the thinkers,while blood group B are highly creative, people belonging to blood group B might be good at painting and writing. And if you have problems, ask the ABs to solve them.

Your blood group could affect your work. So if you visited the Japanese company, you would find the O types out selling goods and A types keeping order in the office.

六

Dogs

People often say that a dog is man's best friend. Over thousands of years, man has taught his dogs to do many kinds of work besides guarding the home. For example, sheepdogs are famous for their ability to control a flock of hundreds of sheep.

Dogs have been used to aid disabled people for centuries. A guide dog can lead its blind owner. Nowadays, dogs can be taught to turn on light switches, open refrigerator doors and dial the telephone for their disabled owners. For the majority of people, however, dogs are simply pets and friends for both young and old members of the family.

guard 看守，看护 sheepdog 牧羊犬 flock 群 aid 帮助

disabled 残疾人 century 世纪guide dog 导盲犬 dial 拨 majority 大多数

狗

人们总是说狗是人类最好的朋友。几千年来，除了看家外，人类还教会了狗去做许多其他的事，例如，牧羊犬就因其可以控制数百只羊的羊群而出名。

狗用来帮助残疾人已有好几个世纪了。导盲犬可以为盲主人引路。现在，人们还教狗为残疾主人打开电灯、开冰箱和拨电话。然而，对于大多数人来说，狗只是家里老人和孩子们的宠物和朋友。

七

What is Time? （Nursery Rhyme）

Time is grain for peasants.

Time is wealth for workers.

Time is life for doctors.

Time is victory for soldiers.

Time is knowledge for students.

Time is speed for scientists.

Time is money for businessmen.

Time is everything for all of us.

Therefore, seize the time of today!

grain 粮食wealth 财富 victory 胜利 seize 抓住，把握

时间是什么（童谣一首）

对农民来说，时间就是粮食。对工人来说，时间就是财富。对医生来说，时间就是生命。

对士兵来说，时间就是胜利。对学生来说，时间就是知识。对科学家来说，时间就是速度。

对企业家来说，时间就是金钱。对我们大家来说，时间就是一切。因此，把握今天!

八

Perfect Match

A rich woman is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to mix the color right, but none comes close enough to satisfy the woman.

Eventually, a painter comes. He is confident that he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous. Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son. "Dad,"asks the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?" "Son,” the father replies, "I painted the vase."

proud of 自豪 valuable 值钱的antique vase 古董花瓶 paint 用油漆漆

satisfy 满意 eventually 最终 confident 有信心的 retire 退休 match 和……相配

绝配

一个有钱的妇人感到非常骄傲，因为她有一只值钱的古董花瓶，她决定把她的卧室漆成和花瓶一样的颜色。好几个油漆匠试图调出正确的颜色，但是没有一个人调出的颜色能让妇人满意。

最后，来了一个油漆匠。他很有信心可以调出合适的颜色。果然妇人对最终的效果感到满意，漆匠也因此成名。

几年后，漆匠退休了，他把生意交给了儿子。“爸爸，”儿子问，“有件事我想知道。你是如何调配出和花瓶一样的颜色的？” “儿子，”父亲回答，“我把花瓶也一起漆了。”

九

A Joke— “I stand corrected”

I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused and told me I was crazy, but last week, h(来自:WWw.zHaoqT.net 蒲公 英文 摘:高中英语幽默短文)e finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a quarter inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans. “So,”I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg. He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected.

lean 倾斜 slightly 轻微地 check out 检查 refuse 拒绝 quarter 四分之一

surgery 手术 cure 治愈 fix 治愈 stand corrected 认错

笑话——“我诚恳认错”

我有一个朋友，他似乎总是微微向左倾斜。这个问题曾经非常困扰我，所以我建议他去看医生，检查一下他的腿。几年来，他总是不听我的建议，还说我不正常，但是上星期，他终于去看了医生。果真，医生发现他的左腿比右腿短四分之一英寸。一个很快的小手术后，他康复了，现在他的两条腿完全一样长了，他也不再倾斜了。“你看，”我说，“那时我告诉你医生可以治好你的腿时你还不相信我呢。”他看着我说：“我认错了。”

十

A Friend

When you read an English book, you often come across new words. You might try to guess what the words mean from the words you know, but when you cannot guess the meanings of new words at all, what should you do?

You have a good friend then. From him you can learn what a word means, how to pronounce a word, how to use a word, and so on. This friend can always be with you, and you can always ask him to help you. Do you know who this friend is? It is a dictionary. You can learn some important things about words from it, so you must know how to use it.

come across 碰到 guess 猜测

朋 友

当你读英语书时，你经常会碰到新单词。你可能试着从你知道的词中猜这些词的意思，但是当你无法猜出这些词的意思时，你该怎么办呢？

这时你有一个好朋友。从他那里你可以学到单词的意思、发音及用法等。这个朋友可以经常伴你左右，你可以经常请他帮忙。你知道这个朋友是谁吗？

他就是字典。你可以从他那里学习有关词汇的众多重要知识，所以你必须学会如何使用字典。

十一

The Hare and the Tortoise

One day a hare was telling the other animals how fast he could run. "I can beat anyone!"cried he. "Will one of you try a race with me?"

"I will,?said the tortoise.

"You!?laughed the hare. "Oh, oh, how funny!?

"Save your laughing for the end of the race,?said the tortoise.

So a starting line was made, and away they went. The hare ran fast and was soon far ahead, so he sat down to rest. By the time the tortoise came up, the hare was sleeping.

On and on went the tortoise, and when the hare looked up at last, it was too late.

There sat the tortoise by the sign that said: The End.

hare 野兔 tortoise 龟，乌龟 beat 打败 race 比赛

兔子和乌龟

一天，兔子正在向其他动物炫耀他能跑得很快。“我能跑过任何人。”他喊道。 “你们有谁想和我比一比吗？” “我。”乌龟说。 “你！”兔子笑道，“哦，哦，太滑稽了！” “留着到比赛结束后笑吧。”乌龟说。

他们划了条起跑线，出发了。兔子跑得飞快，很快就跑到了前面，所以他坐下来休息。等到乌龟赶上来时，他睡着了。

乌龟一直往前走，当兔子最后醒来时，已经太晚了。 乌龟坐在一块牌子旁，上面写着： 终点。

十二

The Eagle and the Raven

An eagle was trying to break open a nut in his beak when a raven landed on a branch beside him. The raven eyed the nut hopefully, "You'll never break it like that,"he said. "If I were you I would fly up in the sky as high as I

could, then drop the nut onto the rocks. It's the only way you'll get at the kernel."

The eagle flew up into the sky, then let the nut fall down, down, down to the

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