幽默的用英语怎么说
发布时间:2017-02-04 来源: 幽默笑话 点击： 
幽默的用英语怎么说篇一：英文神翻译 幽默中的大智慧(双语)
一些大道理并不一定只有严肃说教的方式才能让人领悟，很多时候一些随意的话语，幽默的句子就能展现人生道理。看看下面这些最具创意的英文神翻译，会心一笑的同时你却会赞叹于其中蕴含的大智慧。
1. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
正常版：在这个世界上，我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你，但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
幽默版：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
文艺版：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁因我而死。
2.Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律地被替换，而且因为同一个理由——脏了!!
3.War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
战争不能决出正义，但能判出哪方出局。
4.Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 直译版：知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果；智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。 意译版：知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子，智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个篮子。
5.If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
上帝瞅着咱们呢，大伙好歹喜感点吧!
6.I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端，不是为了成为一个素食者。
7.A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…
8.Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. 直译版：宁可保持沉默，即使这样会让人觉得自己是个傻瓜，也不要出声说话，让别人因此对你不再有疑虑。
搞笑版：宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜，也别瞎BB。
发散版：剽悍的人生不需要解释。
9.A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？
10.Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。
更多英语学习方法：企业英语培训
幽默的用英语怎么说篇二：爆笑英语翻译
「中国英文」（Chinese English）Chinglish “地道中文”的搞笑英语翻译
1.we two who and who？咱俩谁跟谁阿 2.You give me stop! 你给我站住
3Good good study,day day up!好好学习天天向上4.Icall Liold bigtoyear25我叫李老大今年25
6.you have two down son你有两下子 7.You ask me,I ask who？你问我，我去问谁？
8.People mountain and people sea.人山人海9.seven up eight down 七上八下
10.no three no four不三不四 11. Moon under old man 月下老人
12.Open the door see mountain开门见山 13. pen see you 鄙视你
14.Five flowers eight doors五花八门
15.I’ll give you some color to see see(我要给你点颜色看看)
1.王 八 蛋：wang eight eggs 2.白痴：White eat!
3.吃白 食：eat white food4.红颜知己：red face know me
5.老 表：old watch 6.表妹：watch sister
7.别唬我：don’t tiger me8.狗 娘 养 的：dog mother born
9.作早操：do early fuck 10.不三不四：no three no four
11.马马虎虎：horse horse tiger tiger 12. 你给我站住：you give me stop
13.你他妈的：you he mother’s 14.你问我我去问谁：you ask me,me ask who
15.猪头三去死吧：pig head 3,go dead!16.朝三暮四：morning three night four
17.怎么是你：how are you?18. how old are you? 怎么老是你
19.要钱不给，要命有一条：want money no, want life one
20.三人行，必有我师：three people go, one is my teacher
1.各位知不知道“让广州充满爱”的官方翻译？—Let’s make love everywhere in our Guangzhou！！
2.你也许已走出我的视线,但从未走出我的思念You may be out of my sight,but never out of my mind 3怀才像怀孕时间长才能看到Having knowledge likes having pregnantit takes times to beawareness
4.妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西，最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人. Mom said you’d better not miss two things , the last bus to home and the person who loves you deeply.
5.萝卜青菜，各有所爱。[误] Some prefer radish but others prefer cabbage.[正] Tastes differ。No dish suits all tastes 或You can never make everyone happy
6.他一向嘴硬，从不认错。[误] He has always got a hard mouth and never admit a fault.[正] He never says uncle.注：当一方想制服另一方时就用命令说：“Say uncle!” “服输”，而not say uncle 就是“嘴硬”
7.同学们都很讨厌他，因为他经常拍老师的马屁。[误] The students all dislike him because he often pats the teacher's ass.[正] The students all dislike him because he often licks the teacher's boots.注：以前在欧洲，臣民见到国王与王后往往要亲吻他们的靴子。后来，人们将lick the boots 引申汉语的“拍马屁”。在美国英语中，“拍马屁”还有另一种说法polish the apple，学生用擦亮的苹果来讨好老师。
8.你听说了吗？迈克把他的女朋友给甩了。[误] Have you ever heard that Mike broke up with his
girlfriend?[正] Have you ever heard that Mike dumped his girlfriend?注：break up with sb. 虽然表示“与某人分手了”，并没说明是谁先提出来的。而dump 指“倾倒垃圾”，这里则表示像倒垃圾一样地甩掉。
9.人都是这山望着那山高，对自己的现状没有满意的时候。[误] Almost all people think that the other mountain is higher than the one he's standing on. They never feel satisfied with what they've
already got.[正] Almost all people think that the grass is greener on the other hill. They never feel satisfied with what they've already got.注：“这山望着那山高”是指人不满足于现状的心理，它在英语中已经有了现成的说法，即the grass is greener on the other hill(他山的草更绿)，因此我们借用即可，
10. “big river goes to the east，all the star follows beidou”，这句英文大意就是：大河向东流，天上的星星参北斗。这首“洋气十足”的《好汉歌》的英文版挟着天雷滚滚而来.
11. 人山人海：有人直译为：People mountain people sea. 这就是「中国英文」，老外很难理解。他们指「人多」时，通常只说：「There is a large crowd of people.」
12. 天下无不散的宴席：有人直译为：There are no feasts in the world which do not break up at last. All good things come to an end. (意思是：所有好的事情，总有结束的一天。)
China：拆哪儿？查哪儿？圈哪儿？切哪儿？亲哪儿？去哪儿？吃哪儿？钱儿呢？
English:应给利息，阴沟里洗，硬改历史，
妈妈，我不想学英语了，因为老师不靠谱，还老教我们骂人：他说今天是Today，昨天也是yestoday; 他一会儿说Yes,一会儿说Nice, 一会儿说Bus,一会儿说Goose, 最后还说都guess！） 中式英语按照拼音的顺序排了出来，如下表。
1.What the fuck is going on?（到底他妈的怎么回事?） 2.You son of bitch! （你个狗娘养的！）
3."同学是某偏远地区的，英语发音一直不标准，老师英文也是发不准，所以学生更是一口地道的土腔英语。话说同学的妹妹刚上初一，学英语的积极性狂高，每天早晨天不亮就开始朗读单词，这天像往常一样，继续拼命的读，他爹就蹲在窗户底下抽烟袋。小妹妹念“hands(音:汉子),hands”，“two hands(偷汉子)。他爹听完就止不住的皱眉，一大早就听见闺女要偷汉子，心想怪不得听说外国人开放，书上都这么写。小妹妹继续读“hands，hands，two hands(偷汉子)” I have two hands.。 汉子,偷汉子,俺还偷汉子
4.话说一个国内知名企业，一天来了一个重要的外宾，下面是前台的对话。
前台小姐：“hello.”你好。美国人：“hi.”你好。
前台小姐：“you have what thing？”你有什么事情？
美国人：“can you speak English？”你能和我说英语吗？
前台小姐：“if i not speak English，i am speaking what？”如果我不是在说英语，那我在说什么呢？美国人：“can anybody else speak English？”这里有别的人能说英语吗？
前台小姐：“you yourself look，all people are playing ，no people have time，you can wait，you wait， you not wait，you go！”.你自己看看，所有的人都在忙着，没有人有时间，你能等你就等，你不能等你说走！
美国人：“good heavens. anybody here can speak English？”我的天啦，这里没有人能讲英语吗？ 前台小姐：“shout what shout，quiet a little，you have what thing?”嚷什么嚷，安静一点，你还有什么事情？美国人：“i want to speak to your head.”我要找你们的头儿。
前台小姐：“head not zai . you tomorrow come！”头不在，你明天来！
5..小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Goa head.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?老师说：Goa head. 小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
6.某女领导会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样。外宾一见到女士，立刻按照西方的习惯拍马屁道："Miss，you are very beautiful."翻译照翻，领导心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下：“哪里，哪里”。翻译不敢怠慢，把她的话翻成英文："Where? Where?"外宾一愣，干脆马屁拍到底："Every where, every where。"翻译：“你到处都很漂亮。”领导更高兴了，但总是要客气一下：“不见得，不见得”。 翻译赶紧翻成英文："You are not all owed to see , you are not all owed to see."
7.某男，亦粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是：Sex，该男久思，毅然下笔：“Once a week”。
签证官观后暴笑，曰：“This item should be filled in with male or female.”
该男顿时赧颜，思之，填下“female”。官楞之，曰：“shouldn’t it be male?”
男急释曰：“I am a normal man , so I have sex with female.”
8.小强去看电影，到了电影售票处，发现一个老外和售票小姐连说带比得好半天，就自告奋勇的上前做翻译，售票小姐说：麻烦你告诉她，现在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站着看。
小强转头就对老外说：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
老外回答说：sorry I don’t understand your English.
小强就对售票小姐说：哦，他说他不懂英文.......
9.下面是一位朋友在各个银行之间为了一点存款的事，折腾了好半天，结果是一事无成。
去了中国建设银行，CBC(Construction Bank of China)，营业员问，“存不存？”
后面是中国银行的同志，BC（Bank of China），回答道“不存。”
中国农业银行的同志说，ABC(Agriculture Bank of China)，“啊，不存”。
中国工商银行的同志来火了，ICBC(Industry and Commercial Bank of China)，“爱存不存”。 民生银行听了，CMSB（China Min sheng Bank），接上话，“存吗？傻比！”
招商银行，CMBC，也应答道，“存吗？？白痴！”
这位顾客火了，我的事关你啥事？我去兴业银行，CIB，“存一百”。
国家开发银行的同志听了，CDB（China Development Bank)，在我们这里也，“存点吧！”
北京市商业银行的同志说了，BCCB(Beijing City Commercial Bank)，“白存存不？”
想了半天，还是汇丰银行，（HSBC），答话了，“还是不存！”结果务功而返。
一、 永远都不要停止微笑，即使是在你难过的时候，说不定有人会因为你的笑容而爱上你。 Never stop smiling, not even when you're sad, someone might fall in love with your smile.
二、一个真正的朋友会握着你的手，触动你的心。 A true friend is the one who holds your hand and touches your heart.
三、 你可能只是这个世界上的一个人，但对于某人来说，你就是全世界。 You may only be a person in this world, but for someone, you're the world.
幽默的用英语怎么说篇三：英语幽默笑话带翻译
英语幽默笑话带翻译
1:A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill." "I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor, Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive." "Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!" 医生懂得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
2:You can't go without me
The bus is very crowded.Aman tries to get on,but no one gives way to him. "Hey,let me get on the bus."the man shouts.
"It's too crowded.You'd better take the next bus."a passenger says to him.
"But you can't go withou me.I'm the driver."the man says.
没有我你们走不了
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.
"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.
3:Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
4:Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 5:Dear white, something you got to know .When I was born, I was black.When I grow up, I am blackWhen I'm under the sun, I'm blackWhen I'm cold, I'm blackWhen I'm afraid, I'm black.
When I'm sick, I'm black.When I die, I'm still black.you---white
people,When you were born, you were pink.When you grow up, you become white.You're red under the sun.You're blue when you're cold.You are yellow when you're afraid.You're green when you're sick.You're gray when you die.And you, call me "color"?
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。 当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」？
6：Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
7：How Many Rabbits?
Teacher: Now, Jonathan, if I gave you three rabbits and then the next day I gave you five rabbits, how many rabbits would you have? Jonathan:Nine, sir.
Teacher: Nine?
Jonathan:I've got one already, sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。
8：These Are My Jeans
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about
herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago．
“Look，look．” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband．“I can wear my old jeans again．”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans．”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
9：The mean man's party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
10：All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife
is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"I'm the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
1. What room has no walls, no doors, no windows, and no floors?
A mushroom.(蘑菇)
2. What is smaller than an insect's mouth?
Anything it eats.
3. What large instrument do you carry in your ears?
Drums, that is eardrums.(鼓膜)
4. What's too much for one, just right for two, but nothing at all for three?
A secret.
5. What person tried to make you smile most of the time?
A photographer.
6. What animal has a head like a cat, eyes like a cat, a tail like a cat, but isn't a cat?
A kitten.(小猫)
7. What surprising things happen every 24 hours?
Day breaks, but doesn't fall; night falls, but doesn't break.
8. What can hear you without ears and can answer you without a mouth?An echo.(回声)
9. What do you know about the kings of France?
They are all dead.
10. What question can you never answer 'yes" to"
Are you asleep?
11. Why do some old people never use glasses?
They must prefer bottles to glasses.
12. Why is the person wearing two coats while painting the house?
Bec(来自:WwW.ZHaOqt.nEt 蒲公英文 摘:幽默的用英语怎么说)ause the instructions on the paint can say "Put on two coats for best results."
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