英文搞笑话剧

英文搞笑话剧篇一：英语搞笑话剧剧本(四人)

甲:Hello,every one, have you ever seen the movie<Avatar>? Yeah, you are right, I'm the director-- Cameron Diaz, applaud , thank you....Recently, I will direct a new movie called < Avatar 2 >, today, there will be a audition and I will select three actresses who can get the chance to perform in this film with famous actress---Anne Hathaway,OK, let's begin. At first , talent show, number one, let's welcome.

乙:(风情万种,妖娆妩媚地走进来,给观众一个飞

吻):oh,honey,dear,sweet,darling director, the most beautiful charming, sexy girl is coming , every body knows me, right? Yeah, I'm Nicole Kidman, open your eyes as big as you can and hold your breath, there will be a unique, fantastic dance show for you, I believe that all of you will be crazy about it ,(打个响指) come some music.(搞笑舞,自由发挥). (跳完,鞠躬,向观众谢幕), thank you,(面向导演), honey, is it a wonderful performance?

甲:(作目瞪口呆状),

乙:(在甲眼前晃手),oh, darling, are you Ok?

甲:eh...my god, have you use some stimulant drugs this morning, you make my nerves nervous. Get out , next one.

乙:oh no ...sweet ,you break my heart...(掩面离去)

丙:oh it seems to be serious. God bless me(画个十字架,镇定地走到甲面前,伸出手), nice to meet you, director.

甲:(与之握手),nice to meet you too,so, introduce yourself please.

丙:I'm Celine Dion, you know, I don't have too many

achievements, I just won five Grammy awards, 12 World Music Awards, 7 American Music Awards , 21 Juno Awards and(做沉思状) oh, I forget it , a Oscar Award, (同学鼓掌,乙作安抚状),oh, calm down, calm down,it's just a piece of cake for me ,you know, I....

甲:ok ,stop, time is limited, just begin

丙:OK!!! I'll use my first signature song to conquer you --my heart will go on, just enjoy it.

near, far, wherever you are

i believe that the heart does go on

once more, you opened the door(甲stop stop,丙不理,继续作深情状)

and you're here in my heart,

and my heart will go on and on.

甲:guard ,guard,help,drag this mad woman out.

Oh, I'm dying,hope the next one will give me a surprise 丁:(对着乙的背影,沉思状)to be,or not to be,it's a

question!(走到甲面前牵起她的手做亲吻状),I'm glad to see you,my dear princess.

甲(做娇羞状):oh, it's really a big surprise,so what's your name?

丁:My name? Oh, wait a minute. Do you know Trish Regan?(甲,白痴的摇头),eh..,it's ok,then how about Robin Meade?(摇头),and Melissa Theuriau?(摇头),(丁,情绪激动),you know nothing, how can you sit in here.

甲(指门,气愤状),you you you.....

丁:ok ok, it doesn't matter, you needn't learn about them, but you must know me, the most famous hostess who will catch up with those person and become the greatest poet---oprah! 甲:I don't care who you are, just show me your talent.

丁:ok ,listen,one poem,I have had found my best love, but I didn’t treasure her. When I lost her, I regret. It’s the most pain in the world. If God c(来自:WwW.ZHaOqt.nEt 蒲公英文 摘:英文搞笑话剧)an give me another chance, I will say there words to her “I love you”!

甲(起鸡皮疙瘩状):oh, I can't stand, show you the door,

丁(转身离开,继续台词):If there is a time limit, I hope, it is (回头,对甲)10 thousand years.

甲:oh, it's really a terrible ,awful, horrible day,why it is such difficult to find an excellent actress.Oh, I'm dying,you three, come here,

三人跑进来,乙妩媚状:honey, you like my dance,right? 丙镇静状:director,you like my singing,right?

丁深情状:princess,you like my poet,right?

三人同声:we are past,right?

甲:eh..Thank you for your eh..Wonderful performance,but,I'm sorry to tell you ....(接电话)What? Nobody comes here except they three,oh...god.(挂电话,低头),you three,(抬头),pass!

三人欢呼,说:we make it,we are superstar!

乙(甜蜜状):that's very sweet of you,we love you so much(飞个吻)

甲:you know, you are not good enough now, but I'm look forward

to your progress.Do you have confidence? 三人齐答:yes,we do!

甲伸手,三人搭上,同声,fight,fight,fight!

英文搞笑话剧篇二：英语搞笑话剧——三顾茅庐

Three visits to the cottage

主要人物：诸葛亮、诸葛家仆人（朱不亮）、刘备、关羽、张飞、旁白（同时操作电脑）

旁白：

Three visits to the cottage（中文名三顾茅庐） is a story from one of the Four Great classical Chinese novels——the Three Kindoms. ZhuGeliang is one of the main characters in the original. Also, he is an outstanding militarist, politician and the symbol of the wisdom in Chinese history. Another main actors——Liubei, who visited ZhuGeliang's thatched cottage three times and wanted to invite him to be his military adviser. Finally, ZhuGeliang was moved by Liubei' sincerity, helped the three brothers——Liubei, Guanyu and Zhangfei to establish the Shu Kindom. Now，let’s go into the story.

第一幕

屋子中，诸葛亮在屋里走着，

诸葛亮：Buliang，this classroom is so dirty，猪不亮扫地，送水（营养快线） 三兄弟上场，关羽（头巾），刘备（墨镜），张飞（不停打嗝）

刘：饭后一支烟，赛过活神仙

A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.（伸手，张飞点烟，刘深吸一口，长舒一口气）

刘：嗯？没点着

En? It dosen’t burn on.

张飞：凑合着吧，老师不让抽烟

Sorry，we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!

关羽：此番前来，定要邀请的卧龙先生

We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!

张飞：必须的，老曹太欺负人了

Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.

三人来到门前，石头剪子布

刘备：According to our custom？

关羽：OK.

张飞：No problem.

刘备三人进行石头剪子布，刘备输了，其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态，（上海滩响起） 刘备作按门铃状，（门铃声响起）。

诸葛亮：Bu liang（不亮）, go to open the door.

仆人：Heng!(哼)

仆人板着个脸到了门口，做了一个甩头的动作，并呼啦呼啦头发，然后深呼吸，放平稳，保持微笑。然后打开门，举了个躬。

仆人：?????(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~，中文意思：你好)

刘备：Can you speak English?

关羽：（紧接着刘备）Can you speak Chinese?

张飞：（紧接着）Can you speak Japanese?

刘备：（紧接着）Spanish?

关羽：（紧接着）Congolese?

张飞：（紧接着）Egyptian?

仆人：（紧接着）Shut up! Who are you people?

刘备：(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.

关羽：(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.

张飞：(同样摆个pose，把关羽碰倒了)I’m Sorry.

刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。

猪不亮：你们怎么来的啊

What do you three take to come here?

张飞：骑马来的啊，做骑马状

Riding a horse ,of course.

猪不亮：那你们怎么骑马来的啊？

So,How do you riding a horse?

三人面面相觑，猪不亮关门

刘备突然明白了，“money！！”

张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱，下台

第二幕

三兄弟上台，张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:这次应该可以了吧，上次也怨我们

I think we’ll manage it this time.

张飞：啥啊，如果你不是拉着我，老子一嗓子吼死他（做咆哮状，老虎声音）

What? If you don’t pull me,I will easily kill him with my strong throat! 刘备：行了，行了，我们来干啥来了

稍息。。。立正。。。（张飞关羽照做）

Stop,stop,What are we doing here? At ease!—Attention!

刘备：都给我机灵点（张飞关羽点头答应）

You three! Be clever this time!

屋子中??

（英文歌，诸葛亮和猪不亮正喝酒，猪不亮哼着英语歌，他两个喝醉了）

诸葛亮：MY GOD！！上天你为什么这么惩罚我

My God!! Why do you punish me?!

猪不亮：老大别难过，班长杨超不也没过吗

Don’t be sad,my boss. As I know,our monitor does’t pass the examination. 诸葛亮：我的四级考试啊，开始哭．．．

What？our monitor does’t pass the examination？But，My English cet band 4 also losed···

（换背景音乐，猪不亮跟着哭，门铃响，猪不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门）

猪不亮：谁啊

Who’s this? 张飞：收水费的

I come here to charge the bill of electricity

（开门，三人一脸嬉笑）

刘备：我们又来了，麻烦小弟通报一下

We are here again,bother to notice your boss.

（猪不亮四下环顾，把礼品接过来了）

（屋子里传来悲伤的气息，张飞和关羽抹眼泪）

张飞：怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头（自言自语）

I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart..

关羽：请问卧龙先生在家吗，我们想见一下（SEE）

Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.

猪不亮：吟诗，见与不见。。。

（你见，或者不见我

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not

我就在那里

I am standing right there

不悲不喜

With no emotion

你念，或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not

情就在那里

The feeling is right there

不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere

你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter）

（猪不亮转身关门，站不稳）

刘：What?！！

张飞：是不是家里死人了，下次再来吧

I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.

Let’s go. Maybe we should come next time.

关羽：希望死的不是诸葛亮

Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die?

（关羽，刘备打张飞，下台。。）

第三幕

（诸葛亮和猪不亮玩三国杀，背景音乐，术语）

（诸葛亮又赢了）

猪不亮：老大你真NB

You are the man !

诸葛亮：那是，你不想想我是干什么的，我打算过了年就去找刘备，找份工作

Hum！That’s a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festival.

猪不亮：你想去刘备那里？？

What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company?

诸葛亮：嗯，那里用不着英语

En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English. 猪不亮：前几天他来过了，让我赶跑了

But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.

门铃响。。

猪不亮：说来就来了

Speak of the devil and he doth appear.

（三兄弟，大跨步的走进来，诸葛亮一见到很激动）

诸葛亮：大哥，想死我了（拥抱）你带我走吧

Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me!

刘备：镇定镇定，既然兄弟这么看得起我，那咱们就一起大干一场吧 Be calm. Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it! （出发。。）

诸葛亮：大哥等等，那。。那，一月多少钱啊

Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then. 张飞：（恐吓状）兄弟之间不谈钱，谈钱多伤感情，（拎着诸葛亮就走） It hurts feelings when it comes to money!

（猪不亮在后面拿着包袱，大喊）

猪不亮：带上我吧，（走路（小沈阳状））

Oh, Please take me away.

闭幕。。。。

英文搞笑话剧篇三：英语搞笑短剧剧本

三打白骨精

Three Times’ Beating Monster

人物：T唐僧S：孙悟空 E：猪八戒

J：沙僧

B：白骨精（何平） B1：B变成的村姑 B2：B变成的太婆B3：B变化成的老头 T: Emitofo,do you know where we are now?

S: Bajie,map!

E: (摸出，递给S)

S: Look,boss (凑近T)………（T、S一齐转向E）

T: Bajie!How Many times I have told you, don’t bring these pictures of beautiful girls!

E: Oh, boss!Forgive me(伸手拿回)

T: (缩手)I’ll keep it for you until we reach the west

E: But……

T: Emitofo,nothing is lust,lust is nothing! Map?

E: (递)Here.Em…… we have arrived in White Tiger Mountain!Ah I can’t walk on any more!(坐)My stomach doesn’t allow So.

S: Fat Pig!

E: Monkey,if you dare to say these two words once again,I will ,I will………. S: You will what(凶相)?

E: (软禁)I will help you catch fleas(跳蚤).

S: Hm!

T:（轻咳）Wukong,factually,I am a bit hungry Could you go to get me some food?

E: You see , boss is hungry,too!

T: Baijie!Don’t forget who ate my last meal!

J: But boss,if a monster comes while brother monkey is away….. T: Em…….It is a problem.Wukong,do you have any idea?

S: No problem!(安装)（B已躲在一旁偷看）

J: This is…..?

S: Electric net!I have learnt the energy of electricity from boss’s books. So I made this. No monster can approach you if you stay in it!

T: Em……Wukong, you are becoming more and more scientific! Emitofo, knowledge is power!

S: Bye!(走)

T: Let’s play cards!(三人开始打牌)音乐《斗地主》

B: Hm!Hm!Electric net?You are too childish.(变成B1)

B1: (接近三人，望着)Can I join you?

J: I’m sorry,lady. We are playing Fighting Against landowner and three people are enough.

B1: (在一旁观看)Oh,Chance! Bomb!

T: Bomb?(打出)

B1: Double King!

T: Oh….I win! Em……,Lady,you are a boss-hand. Come in and teach me!(准备开电网门)

S: (回来，看见B1)Oh,monster!(上前就打)

B1: （倒)Ah……

T: (气愤)Wukong! Look what have done! She is my teacher!

S: She is a monster!

T: Nonsense!(深呼吸)

S: Oh,please don’t……

T:It’s too late!(唱)Once more……you open the door…(泰坦尼克主题曲，走音离谱)

S: Please,Please,oh,no……(痛苦抱头)

T: (呛住，咳)Wukong,I’m disappointed with you!

B: (真身出现)Hm!Sun Wukong, I’ll teach you a lesson!(变成太婆) B2:Hello,have you seen my daughter?

T: Daughter?...(连忙挡住地尸体)No,sorry!(陪笑，B2想看后面是什么，T挡) S: （咬牙切齿）You monster, I’ll beat you into hell!(S追打B2,B2躲至T身后，S打，不想打到T头，T晕，S再打死B2)

E&J: Are you Ok, boss?(扶T)

J: Look,(伸食指)how many?

T:Two…..(晕乎乎地)Sun Wukong, game over!(变成B3)

B3: (看到B1,B2尸体)Oh….,my daughter, my wife! Who did it?!!(哭喊) S: I’ll kill you, monster!(打)

T: （想阻止，未及）You,you.....(险些晕，E,J扶住 )You have killed three lives! S: No,they are not human beings!They are created by monster! T: Monster?You are a real monster!Never let me see you,go!!

S: (悲，离去)（音乐，营造 “假”悲伤气氛）《人鬼情未了》

J: boss, brother Monkey is.......

T: Don't mention that guy any more!

B: (出现) Ha,ha,ha!(三尸体B1,B2,B3在B招手后“飘”走)

T: （惊）You are......

B: How foolish you are ,Mr Tang!(E,J去阻斗，被击退)

B: (抓住T)I'll enjoy your meat and blood,ha,ha......

S: (悄悄走到B后，打B,B晕)A thousand years later.

T: Wukong?

E: Oh,Brother Monkey!

J: Our hero is back!

T: I,I can't understand......What happened?

S: Boss,your IQ needs increasing! This monster changed its appearance into three shapes in order to cheat you!

T: How,how did you find out?

S: (沉默).......Monkey's intuition(直觉)

T: Wukong(S不理T)I admit my mistake this time(S仍不理)I'm sorry(小声) S: What?

T: I'm sorry.

S: Em? Louder,please?

T: I......am......sorry.....(S 捂耳)（音乐响）《敢问路在何方》（这个放伴奏） (谢幕)

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