高中英语幽默故事

高中英语幽默故事篇一：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

1. “I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty dollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

2. Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

3. Are Flies Yummy?

Tony and his father are eating dinner.

Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it’s yucky. Why do you ask me thisquestion? It’s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “There was one fly in your plate.”

4.

Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand and cold cause it to contract. Now，can anyone give me a good example?John：Well ，in the summer the days are long

and in the winter the days are short.

5.

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

6. Mr. Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.

Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.

7.

Son: Dad, give me a dime.

Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you?

8.

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?" "No, sir,

but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other, so I am trying to stop it."

9. Patience

Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now. Why don't you try yourself?

Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.

10. What a big deal

A young businessman had just started his business, and rented abeautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. “Can I help you?” The man said, “Sure. I’ve come to install the phone.”

11. Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, “ Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.”

“Why did it make you late?” inquired the teacher.

“Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time.” replied Mike.

12.Big Head

“All the kids make fun of me” the boy cried to his mother.” They say I have a big head”

“Don’t listen to them.” his mother comforted him.” You have abeautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”

“Where’s the shopping bag?”

“I haven’t got one, use your hat.”

13. Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”

“I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.

“You’re a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

14. Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

“Look,” said the elder brother. “How nice these paintings are!” “Yes,” said the younger, “but in all these paintings there is onlythe mother and the children. Where is the father?”

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, “ Obviously he was painting the pictures.”

15 The Mean Man’s Party

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, “Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens, push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot?”

“Well, gosh,” was the reply, “You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?”

16. Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?” “Ten.” Jim says.

高中英语幽默故事篇二：50个有趣小故事,让你成功记住高中所有形似单词!(上)

50个有趣小故事，让你成功记住高中所有形似单词！（上）

1.马戏团的鹦鹉

它一岁的age(年纪)会说人的language(语言)，头脑很懂manage(经营)，要求增加wage(薪水)，惹得老板rage(发怒)把它关进cage(笼子)。

2.败家女的生活

天生就很lazy(懒惰的)，生活就爱cozy(舒适的)，上街血拼crazy(疯狂的)，体胖心感uneasy(不安的)，减肥虚脱dizzy(头晕眼花的)，成天沉溺fantasy(幻想)。

3.贫农发家史

地下播下seed(种子)，种出却是weed(杂草)，只能当作feed(饲料)，生存无法proceed(继续)，冒险去采seaweed(海带)，脚被刺伤bleed(流血)，拼命加快speed(速度)，回来销售succeed(成功)，见财心生greed(贪婪)。

4.武术冠军擒贼

那天我骑着cycle(自行车)，见有人偷旧bicycle(自行车)，还美其名曰recycle(回收利用)，我便鼓起了muscle(肌肉)，八卦掌划出semicircle(半圆)擒贼，被写进了article(文章)。

5.英国的过去

大英帝国无bound(边界)，英联邦国家abound(大量存在)，流通货币是pound(英镑)，随处英语的sound(声音)，满城绅士牵hound(猎狗)。

6.超级逃兵

行军方向forward(向前的)，他的方向backward(向后的)，逃跑方式awkward(笨拙的)，其实是个coward(懦夫)。

7.掌舵手

有一个volunteer(志愿者)，把船来steer(驾驶)，快乐是sheer(纯粹的)，神情却queer(古怪的)，高傲像deer(鹿)。

8.码头黑老大

野心相当large(大的)，想把地盘enlarge(扩大)，要想在这discharge(卸货)，保护费要overcharge(多收)，谁敢把我charge(控告)。

9.便宜无好货

话说有个student(学生)，旅行需要tent(帐篷)，去到商店rent(租借)只要几百cent(分)，野营发生accident(事故)，原来没有vent(通风孔)，骨架还全bent(弯曲)，奸商让人resent(愤恨)。

10.排骨抢劫案

教堂旁边的shop(商店)，正大声播放pop(流行音乐)，卖美味红烧chop(排骨)，口水好像要drop(滴下)，无奈没有钱shop(买东西)，抢一盘朝外hop(跳跃)，越过绊脚的mop(拖把)，猛地撞上了bishop(主教)，被抓住交给cop(警察)。

11.登山队员

购买装备时bargain(讨价还价)，买到次货是certain(必然的)，正当要翻越mountain(山脉)，装备坏了直complain(抱怨)，价格把质量contain(包含)，悔不听商家explain(解释)。

12.童话版9.11

有一只pest(害虫)，穿一件vest(背心)，飞向southwest(西南)，撞树上nest(巢穴)，世道不公我protest(抗议)。

13.作家的退休生活

每月都领pension(退休金)，天天守着television(电视机)，社交没有

occasion(场合)，生活缺乏passion(激情)，于是下定decision(决心)进行旧书revision(修订)。

14.八戒怨唐僧

总住破烂hut(小屋)，门都没有shut(关闭)，餐餐吃peanut(花生)，一年没haircut(理发)，老指俺的nut(坚果，头)，说等妖怪cut(砍，剪)。

15.白领的周末

周末加班待在公司brood(沉思)，想不出方案没mood(心情)，讨厌天天吃fast(快餐)，披上风衣套上hood(风帽)，穿过吵闹的neighborhood(四邻)，散步来到宁静的wood(小树林)。

16.冬日找工记

空气中透着chill(寒意)，感觉就要fall ill(生病)，吞下了两颗pill(药丸)，手拿着一瓶milk(牛奶)，出门走去woolen will(毛纺厂)，决心去学门skill(技能)，一定把梦想fulfill(实现)，心里激动身体thrill(发抖)，牛奶不慎被spill(洒落，唉! 天不从人will(意愿)，还是买肉回家grill(烧烤)，先把肚子fulfill(填满)。

17.午夜凶铃

阴森森的well(井)，井边铺满shell(贝壳)，井底是个hell(地狱)，贞子在里dwell(居住)，邪气被人smell(闻到)，她被抓去cell(小牢房)，身体开始swell(肿胀)，爬出电视yell(叫喊)。

18.超级噩梦

我变成了hare(兔子)，土著上身bare(赤裸的)，个个对我glare(瞪眼)，他们围在square(广场)，说要把我share(分享)，挣扎无人care(在意)，突然间 I’m aware(意识到)It’s a nightmare(噩梦)。

19.望夫石

夫去南洋explore(探险)，要去寻找ore(矿石)，路途凶险ignore(不顾)，妻子对他adore(爱慕)，日夜勤做chore(家务)，汗水弄粗pore(毛孔)，

furthermore(而且)，眼睛哭到sore(疼痛的)，望穿秋水ashore(在岸上)。

20.纣王被伐

纣王生性merciless(残忍的)，迷恋妖狐reckless(不计后果的)，引发后患

endless(无穷尽的)，百姓感到hopeless(无

望的)，揭竿起义doutless(无疑的)，

纣王被困helpless(无助的)，悔恨愧疚useless(无用的)，民心才是priceless(无价的)。

21.犒劳自己

鼓起极大的nerve(勇气)，把豪华酒店reserve(预定)，享受专人来serve(伺候)，这一切我都deserve(值得)。

22.新好官员

话说得很direct(直接的)，错误善于detect(发现)，缺点从不neglect(忽视)，用人细心select(挑选)，公共设施erect(建造)，人民利益protect(保护)。

23.猜猜这是哪

有一个nation(国家)最崇拜examination(考试)，不考查creation(创造)，只检查information(知识)，不管你有多少imagination(想象力)，也只能听到老师的explanation(解释)。

24.天庭扰民

选定了下凡candidate(候选人)，天庭就准备celebration(庆祝)，玉帝的马车acceleration(加速)，声响把大地vibrate(震动)，光电在天上generate(产生)，吓坏人间的magistrate(地方官员)。

25.盗墓者

高中英语幽默故事篇三：英语经典幽默故事

英语经典幽默故事

故事一

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him. “The best way, sir, ”said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d chuck me in.”

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何能酬谢他。“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

故事二

I Taught the Teacher

Mother asked her little boy,”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?” “Nothing, Mum.” Answered the son proudly, “instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”

我教老师

母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？”儿子骄傲地说：“什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”

故事三

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. “It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The boss eyed him suspiciously. ”Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

你是怎么来的？

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎么到这儿来的？”

“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

索创在线英语 http:///

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